Ask Me About My Story

"ASK ME ABOUT MY STORY"... these are the words, in big bold print, proudly displayed on my daughter's shirt which was given to her by a thriving, faith-based ministry that she is very involved in on her college campus.

 
You might not be asking, but I would like to share my story (my testimony) with you of how God has changed me in this past year.  So, if you're interested in reading on, here's my story.

A little over a year ago, I had quit a 3-year job where I had a lot of interaction with the public... using the extroverted personality that God gave me.  Using my gift of hospitality to make others feel welcome.  Using my sensitive heart to be a listening ear to my co-workers.  Using my sense of humor to make others smile and laugh.  But when I left that job, I left all of those opportunities behind.  Or so it seemed.  This was the beginning of my mid-day couch appointments.

Just about every day, I would find myself lying on the couch practically in fetal position mindlessly watching nothing on TV.  Feeling sorry for myself.  Feeling like I had no purpose in life.  Insignificant. Bored. Lonely. Depressed.  The hours and hours of idle time that I had while the kids were at school ticked by ever so slowly.  Day after day after day.  Sure, I had chores I could be doing... but that didn't fill the hole in my life that I was feeling.  I was in a rut.  One I wanted out of so badly, but didn't have anything left to fight it.

My light continued to dim for the next few months, and I kept asking God to "show me my purpose".  "I need something big in my life to feel worthy."  "I want to do something hugely significant." Again and again, only silence came from my requests.  God had other things to do besides give me something big to make me feel important again.  And so I continued on with my mid-day couch appointments.

Fast forward one year... to today.  I look back on those months, and I smile.  Smile?  Yes.  Because God WAS INDEED preparing me "for such a time as this".  He has me looking back on that person who was in limbo, in transition, with no obvious plans for the future, and He wants me to remember what I looked like and how I felt... to only be focusing on "ME".  Ouch.

BIG. PURPOSE. SIGNIFICANT. WORTHY. IMPORTANT. ME.  I was using those words for myself.  When what God really wanted was for me to use those words to describe HIM.  He wanted me to take my eyes off of myself... what I wanted.  And to focus on Him... what He wanted.

All of sudden, He is bringing to me this world... friends, acquaintances, strangers... that are hurting and who need my sensitive heart, my hospitality, my sense of humor, and encouragement. I think I can safely assume that they (the people) were there all along.  BUT, the difference is... I am now AVAILABLE and OPEN to be used by Him.  For HIS glory - not mine.

He has recently blessed me with clear visions and words of wisdom that I have been able to share with those who need encouragement and hope.  And in the process, He has given ME encouragement and hope as I speak into the lives of others.

Do I still have idle time at home?  Yep.  But it no longer depresses me.  I am no longer in fetal position on the couch.  Instead, I am able to see it as being blessed to be available for the next God-ordained appointment that He has for me! 

HE is big.  HE has a purpose. HE is significant. HE is worthy. HE is important... to me.  Little ol' me.  And He can be that for YOU as well!  It's all about our focus.  Is it on ourselves?  Or on Him?

To God be the Glory,
Tonya